November 30, 2019

Review Bride of Chucky (1998)


Bride of Chucky

Just when the franchise started showing signs of fatigue they take an extended break and come back with not only a new look but a new lady friend for our miniaturized murderer.

It's not just the look and cast of characters that's changed here, while Chucky has always had a twisted sense of humor, this entry really leans into the comedy a lot more with a script that firmly places it's tongue in cheek yet manages to display all the deranged violence we've come to love and expect from the franchise.  This film more than any other in the series manages to dish out equal helpings of laughs and murders.

Probably the biggest reason for change in direction is addition of Jennifer Tilly as the serial killer's long time girlfriend Tiffany. I don't know any other way to put it but Tilly is a straight up babe in this and manages to more than hold her own, laugh for laugh and stab for stab across from the iconic slasher.  She's the much needed shot in the arm this franchise needed.  You can make the argument she's the true main character of this film as she easily has the biggest character arc.

It's not without its issues. While Don Mancini has been credited with every script since the first one there's a weird story continuity issue regarding an amulet that has never been mentioned previously but apparently is needed to jump bodies.  I can't help but wonder if that was an addition from director Ronny Yu who also had some questionable story continuity in his Freddy vs Jason film (Freddy afraid of fire, Jason afraid of water). Also the human characters aren't that memorable but watching them get gaslighted by Tiffany and Chucky into thinking the other is a serial killer is a more than humorous watch.
Plus there is puppet sex.

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Review Blood Lake (1987)


Blood Lake .
.
"Too much lake, not enough blood." - Some IMDB reviewer.

I mean they're not wrong.  But this is one of those movies you kinda gotta enjoy just for how much it doesn't resemble a movie.  Besides a kill in the first scene (accompanied by a hilarious dialogue exchange) the first 50 minutes of this movie's already short runtime feel like you're watching someone's legit vacation home movies.
There is zero manufactured drama between these characters before the killing starts. Most films will establish a bunch of soap opera-y melodrama in the first act, you know, this person has a secret, so and so is cheating on this person but this other person is in love with them, yadda yadda etc etc. Not in this film!

For like 2 acts we just watch a bunch of people who genuinely like each other hang out.  They bust each others chops as only friends do but they all seem decent.  Lil Tony is a blonde mulletted pre-teen little wise ass with quite a mouth but he's got that like-able little jerk charm.  They go water skiing... in real time.  The play quarters... in real time.  They do more water skiing... in real ass long as hell time.  Editing is for suckers.

Then, well, the killing starts but by then there is like 10 minutes left and it's not particularly gorey or anything but there is a deputy or police officer (I just know he's not the sheriff, I know this cuz he says he called the sheriff yet no sheriff ever shows up) where was I? Oh yeah this deputy hilariously barely reacts to anything including discovering 2 dead bodies. He shows up again to deliver a chunk of exposition explaining the killer's motive which also happens to be the most hilarious overreaction. Like a simple court case would have solved everything but I guess murder is more fun.

Then the final shot plays and I have never been so immediately baffled by what I was seeing.  A credit appears on screen alluding to what we just saw yet I had even more questions.  This shot was clearly an after thought because it makes literally no sense in the context of the film.  Luckily the AGFA dvd has some extras where the director talks about this.

For "so bad it's good" fans only.

November 29, 2019

Review Blood Harvest (1987)


Blood Harvest

A slasher film where Tiny Tim plays an insane creepy as fuck clown.

You still here?

I SAID A SLASHER FILM WHERE TINY TIM PLAYS AN INSANE CREEPY AS FUCK CLOWN!

Ok, well of course it's not good but no one is expecting this to be.  If you're not sold on that first sentence then there's no reason to watch this but if you got as excited as I did when you read that then you won't be disappointed.

Tiny Tim apparently can't memorize his lines or interact with other humans normally so like 90% of his scenes are him alone, singing in his recognizable vibrato, praying some weird as shit prayers I ain't never heard in Sunday school, or just rambling incoherently.  This was the role he was born to play.

The rest is below average slasher stuff. We got a bunch of slit throats and even more boobs (if you're into that). The cast is pretty small which kinda makes the decision to make this a "who is the killer" type film pretty dumb.

Also it's gets a little rapey at one point so here's your warning but there's no explicit rape scene or anything graphic.

Also for Six Feet Under fans it's got Peter Krause in his first ever film role.

And once more this time for the people in the back... I SAID A SLASHER FILM WHERE TINY TIM PLAYS AN INSANE CREEPY AS FUCK CLOWN!

Available on Shudder also as part of Joe Bob Briggs Last Drive-in series.

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Review Bait (2012)


Bait

Ok maybe some of the CGI fx don't exactly hold up well, at least they're still a step above Syfy Original level.  And maybe I couldn't tell if the dialogue was full of obscure Australian colloqialisms or just bad, at least it had some recognizable, likable, genre faces in it.  Yeah maybe There's enough manufactured melodrama stuffed into this supermarket to fill 3 seasons of a soap opera, it's still more believable and relatable than anyone of the relationships in The Meg.

Listen, I'm a simple man. Flood a supermarket, trap some people inside, throw in a shark, and give one of the dudes a shotgun and I am fucking there.  As stated above it has some issues but after the last 2 turkeys I watched this was an enjoyable breath of fresh air.
A bit like the recently reviewed and released film Crawl, this movie mashes up a disaster film with an animal attack film to produce alternatingly suspenseful and gorey fun.  God, I'm just so happy to see some damn blood in a shark film again after yesterday.

It's a relatively tight story with decent characters that don't make any egregiously dumb decisions.  It's suspenseful when it needs to but isn't afraid to chomp some people into human hamburger meat either.  I feel like this shouldn't be a hard thing to accomplish yet after the last 2 films you'd think this is the holy grail.  Also one of the characters makes a shark cage suit out of the grocery store shelves which is pretty great.

It sounds like I'm being patronizing here but seriously this is a completely enjoyable shark attack movie that's definitely worth watching if you're looking for one that's not one of the 8000 versions of 7 Headed Tsunami GoatShark in Space.

Available on vudu and tubi free with ads.

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